Once the OB came into the room, she was a little rushed (understandably). So she got the Doppler out right away to hear the heartbeat. Now, going into this I had done research and knew that being overweight was going to make finding the heartbeat difficult. So I was prepared for it to take away and potentially not be able to find it. So for the first several minutes of her trying to find it, I was pretty calm and trying to give Chris some reassuring smiles. But as time progressed, I started to get a little worried. Then my OB turned to look at me and ask me if I was doing okay. Now I both appreciated and hated this gesture. I am grateful that she is sensitive enough to realize I might have been worried at the point, but hearing concern from her also brought on the major wave of panic that something might be very wrong. So after about five or six minutes of trying to find the heartbeat. She asked me to sit up and told me we were going to need to switch the ultrasound. Now, in the research that i had done, this is how the determine a miscarriage. So on the walk into the different room, I was doing everything I could to hold it together and praying frantically. I watched something today on TV that said you don't know how attached you already are to that little life, until it may not be there anymore. And that is so accurate. It still seems surreal that there is a baby inside of me, but the idea of it not being there anymore was too much for me to bear.
So we transition into the ultrasound room. I had done the standard urine sample before seeing the OB, so I had an empty bladder, which makes it difficult for them to find anything with the ultrasound. So we spent several minutes trying to find it with the ultrasound machine was almost chanting prayers in my head. Then all of a sudden, she says, "Oh, there it is. There's the heart beat. Did you see it? It's moving a ton." She allowed Chris to come get a better look, but I was never able to see anything. I couldn't detect any shape or form or flicker of a heart beat. Then the machine was shut off and she asked quickly, "Do you have any questions?" Now I had other questions that I was supposed to ask, but those were long gone by that time. It felt like a matter of seconds had passed since fearing the baby was gone to everything is okay. So I asked if she was sure she found the heartbeat. And she said she had and that it was nice and fast. Then she pretty much left. I don't fault her for any of that, at all. I know it was the end of the day and she was already running late and that basically nothing she said could have calmed me. But as soon as she left the room, I burst into tear and fell into Chris's arms. He asked what was wrong and I just said, "I was so scared." I couldn't really shake that feeling. I knew in my head that the baby was okay, but I hadn't really gotten to see or hear any proof myself, so that doubt still sat with me. I tried to calm myself, by thinking the reason the baby was so active was it was trying to show me that it was there. It reminded me of Horton Hears A Who, when the Whos try to make their existence known. This helped some, but I couldn't get rid of the fear.
I mentioned this to the women at my small group a week later. One of them told me that at 34 weeks, they still had a hard time finding the heartbeat. Another works at a Women's Center and offered to give us a free ultrasound there. Now, I had mixed feelings about doing this. I had read that people are unsure of the effect of ultrasound on babies, so I didn't really want to do more than necessary, and we had already had one more than I was expecting, but I couldn't make the fear go away, so I took her up on that options.
So at 12 weeks and 1 day on October 30th, we went in to the Women's Center to have a ultrasound. I was nervous and worried, but Chris was with me again so that helped to calm me somewhat. My friend came and got me and told Chris to wait in the waiting room while I got prepped. Which we both took to mean laying down and exposing my stomach. Apparently that meant while they did the measuring parts of the ultrasound. So unfortunately, Chris missed the best parts of the ultrasound. For the first several minutes, the arms and hands were up by the face and it was waving them around. The first thing I thought was that it reminded me again of Horton Hears A Who. It felt like the baby was saying, "I'm here, Mama! See me?" It was so amazing to see. You could literally count the fingers of the baby! In that moment all my fears were gone. She said I was measuring 4 days later than I was, so we may be in for a big baby. Then she asked if I had someone I wanted to bring in. So then my friend went to go get Chris, who was a little perturbed, when he realized he had missed some of the ultrasound. She he promptly set himself up recording on his phone in front of the screen. His head was blocking my view, but I figured since he missed out on the first part that it would be okay. Until they all oohed about how much it was moving and then I made Chris move his head so I could see. We left that appointment and Chris was disappointed to have missed the beginning and I was overjoyed and relieved.
Then at the end of 12 weeks, I had a rather long weekend to attend. One of my college roommates was getting married and I was in the wedding and then a good friend of mine needed some emotional support. I was more than a little nervous about going because I have still been nauseous and I knew that it would be a crazy busy weekend and I had barely had enough energy to get out of bed that past few weeks. The weekend went pretty well with only a few blips when I got shaky because my blood sugar got to low. But when I got home, I found I had lost 5 lbs in 2 days. That was very alarming, so I took it very easy that next week and started to feel better and more normal. Then on Thursday of that week, while waiting for some work being done on my car, I felt a flutter in my stomach. It felt like the tiniest little touch tapping my stomach from the inside. I very excitedly told Chris and tried to feel it again, but there was nothing.
On Friday at the end of the 13th week, we went up to my Dad's house to tell him. He and his wife were excited! My dad did not really understand the clue that we gave him that we were pregnant, but once he caught on he was excited!
At 14 weeks and 1 day, or yesterday, or November 13th, we had another check-up. I was pretty calm during the day thanks to the 12 week ultrasound, but when they took my blood pressure and found that it was a little high, I realized that my insides were churning as I was sitting back on that same table waiting for the same experience. She came in the room and I asked my most important questions first to make sure I got them asked this time. Then I laid back to do the Doppler. Again, it was taking some time and she was looking very low on my stomach. During this time, I felt very at peace and I was going to turn down an ultrasound if she suggested it because that 12 week ultrasound really calmed me. Then she pulled the Doppler up to the same spot that I felt the flutter the other day and sure enough, she picked up the heartbeat! It was an awesome feeling! I truly didn't think we would be able to find it yet. Chris recorded some of the heartbeat to share with his parents, which we will be seeing and telling on Sunday, November 18th, when we arrive for our normal Thanksgiving trip!
I am really very excited to find out what we are having and feel some more of babies movement. We are both excited to tell Chris's parents! I am finally feeling very secure in the pregnancy which makes it a great deal more fun to be pregnant!
Now as far a symptoms go:
The heartburn has stopped
The nausea has slowed down, but interestingly enough randomly throwing up had picked up.
I am still really tired and have a hard time getting stuff done.
I am out of breath frequently.
Constipation is in full swing.
I have more regular headaches which I think in part is due to my changing eyes. I can't see well at all.
My back and joints have been hurting a great deal and I have been experiencing leg cramps.
Stretch marks have reared their ugly head as well.
